I’m fairly (read: entirely) certain I am not alone in my desire to slam the door on 2020 or my newly discovered hatred of the word “unprecedented.” It also seems likely there is nothing to be said that hasn’t already been spoken or written. I find as an artist there is always a delicate balance between feeling like you have truly created something original and wondering where you may have stolen an idea from.
So what am I even tying to say here today? Nothing new, I’m sure, but I guess it’s that amidst the chaos and uncertainty of the past year, I have an immense amount of gratitude for making it through largely unscathed. Other than some general disappointments, canceled plans, and missed gatherings with friends and family, we have been incredibly fortunate to still have jobs and a home and each other. And the immense privilege that carries is not lost on me. This year has brought some intensive inner work and discovery that I have every intention of continuing as I work to be a better human, parent, and steward of this earth we live on.
I heard the quote below on a podcast recently, as someone stated it was their favorite bumper sticker message. There seems to be some discrepancy on who actually said it first, so I will just say here with certainty that it was not me. I embroidered this as a gift for Christmas and was a little sad to see it go, but I hope to hold onto it as one of my mantras for the new year and a reminder to myself to stay open.
Much of my gratitude this year is for the slower pace we’ve had and the extra time that has allowed us to spend with our toddler. When lockdown started, I had more time at home with him than I did during my maternity leave…and on the plus side, I’ll actually remember these weeks! It has truly been an honor to watch this little human grow and learn and explore the world. I have never been a New Year’s resolution person, but I have realized there are several things I’d like to try to reign in this year. One (of lesser importance) is my sailor mouth (!) and the other is my extreme need to be productive at all times. All you Enneagram folks out there will immediately identify me as a 3 after the last statement. After I told a friend I was a three recently, she said flatly “do you see the look of shock on my face in learning that you’re a three?” It is that obvious. And with a spouse that is also a three, it is a challenge for us to take breaks and take it easy and to just be, when so much of our feelings of self worth are wrapped up in how much we have accomplished. We want to create a more balanced lifestyle for ourselves and offer other (and likely much healthier!) ways of being in the world to our child.
All that being said, I hope to be more open to feedback from others to chill the !(&$@**# out more and enjoy the moments I am in. On that note, it’s off into the mist with my littles to embrace the unrevealed mysteries of the year ahead.
